Why I Am A Social Recluse on Instagram (& Its Benefits)
This is a story on how I stopped posting — and essentially how being a ghost on social media helps with my self-growth.
After high school, my usage of Instagram rose and I was almost dependent on it at every waking hour.
It was amazing at first. I gained so many friends as a result of interacting online and kept up with the rapidly changing humor style that teens adopted in their speeches. I spent less time doing the hobbies that fulfill me and more time chasing new experiences with friends to showcase later on Instagram.
However, as stress from impending IB exams hits the ceiling, I didn’t know how to cope. I had forgotten who I was. I didn’t know myself anymore.
By the time I started university abroad, I had serious FOMO issues and social anxiety.
I dreaded seeing people online and in person. The pressure of maintaining perfect and accomplished was driving me crazy. In your early 20s, you are meant to figure out your life and work towards your goals, but seeing everyone settling in the next phase of life so easily and readily makes you question yourself.
What am I doing wrong?
At the time, I was living in a new city in a new country alone, but so many others have managed to. I was struggling to accept that I was struggling.
In a classic Gen Z move, I archived all of my posts and stories. I decided that I don’t want to publicly document my life. After 2 years, this is what I can tell you from my experience:
- I escaped the comparison game.
This is obvious. After a week, I had forgotten all about the fantastic skiing trip that a friend of a friend took. I don’t know what the others are doing and they don’t know about me. Its almost like starting from scratch, trying to rebrand and finding your self-identity without being affected by societal pressure. What I do right now is enough for me as long as I remain consistent.
This step is especially important if you have grown up needing to be perfect and high-achieving. You might drown in your own inner critic of “not doing enough” which is counterproductive.
There is a lot to unlearn about societal expectation, especially if you’re coming from a collectivist community. This is the time to be brave and uncover a new path for yourself.
2. Kickstarting my self-growth journey.
With the time off social media, I have more time to focus on myself. I am aware that social media isn’t inherently bad, and I started reflecting from there. People make connections online all the time. However, I was very affected by seeing what others are doing & who are they hanging out with. My mind speculated negative opinions that the spectators have towards me.
I started getting into resources for a healthier mindset, and I become my own cheerleader to push myself out of my own comfort zone. I took baby steps to improve my social anxiety, and it was worth it.
I just needed to learn to be comfortable in my own skin before I am able to show up for others.
3. Able to form meaningful relationships.
I wasn’t about to abandon everyone I knew, though. I was able to show up as my authentic self and be more vulnerable to the people who cared about me, and that made all the difference. I noticed being energized by our interactions and genuinely curious about new acquaintances that I met. Because I cared about them, I made an active effort to maintain relationships beyond. I ask about them after the long flight they took and their siblings. We talk about the mundane parts of life.
From being awkward and unable to hold up a conversation, I can now strike up conversations with strangers. My previous self would always make an excuse that I don’t want to form relationships if they aren’t authentic. Now I know that the short interactions with strangers or your acquaintances are meaningful on its own and its such a treat to be able to know people of different walks of life!
I would like to believe that I am in a better state now in my early 20s because of it. I am still on Instagram to see what my busy friends are doing, but I no longer get intimidated by people’s success. Moving forward, I will always audit my usage of social media.
